


Outside Perspective

by kajivar



Category: Charmed
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-15
Updated: 2008-06-15
Packaged: 2017-11-20 14:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kajivar/pseuds/kajivar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their dealings with Barbas in "Sympathy for the Demon," Paige figures out what Phoebe's really afraid of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Outside Perspective

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/gifts).



> Written for the 2008 Hetficathon.

It had felt so good after Paige had stripped his powers. He no longer felt the pull of evil from the demonic energies he had absorbed in the Wastelands. His soul was free and at peace. And Phoebe had no reason to fear him anymore.

But his own feelings didn't matter now. The cost was too high. Barbas, the demon of fear, had his powers now, and the harm he could do outweighed Cole's own desire to be free . . . and have any chance of Phoebe loving him again. To save her, he had to sacrifice himself. And even with her words of disdain ringing in his head, he knew he would still do anything in his power to protect her.

So now he stood with Leo and the Charmed Ones, waiting for Barbas to return. If their plan worked, they would strip the powers from Barbas and return them to Cole. "I'm ready," Piper said, finishing the power stripping potion.

Leo glanced at Cole. The Whitelighter had the decency to look at least a little guilty. "Are you?" he said.

"To take evil back?" Cole said. "No. But I'm not doing it for me." He shifted his gaze to Phoebe. Her eyes darted away, but Paige seemed to give Phoebe a little nudge, and she took a step towards him. Cole felt the tiniest surge of hope. Was she going to thank him? Forgive him? Or tell him it didn't matter? She met his gaze but kept a safe distance between them.

She did not have a chance to speak; Barbas appeared in the center of the attic, swinging his arms out and creating a concussive blast that knocked them all down. Piper dropped the potion vial, and the glass shattered, leaving a pale blue puddle on the floor.

"Miss me, my babies?" Barbas taunted. Piper glared at him and flung out her hands, but Barbas held out his hand and the blast exploded harmlessly in his palm as he watched with interest. "Oh, I'm a very quick study," he said gleefully, blowing smoke off his hand. Cole cursed under his breath; Barbas was learning too fast how to use his stolen powers. It might be near impossible to use the potion on him now. Even Piper looked rattled by her inability to blow Barbas up.

"What do we do?" Paige said nervously. Cole couldn't remember seeing Paige this uncertain in a long time, but he supposed her near death at Phoebe's hands had shaken her.

Barbas regarded the youngest witch with a faint pout. "Ah, still alive, I see."

"You leave her alone!" Phoebe demanded. Cole had to will himself not to reach out and touch her at the anguish in his voice.

Barbas laughed and waved his hand, and a blue shimmering barrier appeared in front of Cole and Phoebe, and another before Piper and Leo, cutting Paige off from her sisters. "Naughty, naughty, naughty," Barbas scolded Phoebe. "Wait your turn."

"Paige!" Phoebe called frantically. "Orb the potion!"

"It's in a puddle!" Paige cried, taking a step back from Barbas as he returned his attention to her.

"You can do it," Piper encouraged her. "Prue did."

Barbas smirked. "Ah, there's the rub. You're no Prue, are you?" he said. Cole saw Phoebe tense at the mention of her dead sister, and across the room, Piper momentarily lost her determined expression.

Paige gave him a defiant look, then held out her hand. "Potion!" she called. The liquid turned into blue orbs and moved towards her hand; she flung it toward Barbas.

The potion flew straight into the demon's mouth. Barbas choked as the orbs resumed their liquid form and went down his throat. His face glowed blue; he staggered and then fell to his knees. Barbas stiffened and groaned as the glow disappeared and a black mist floated out of his body. Cole stepped forward, tensing as the mist sought out a new host and swept into his body. He closed his eyes and swayed as he felt the demonic energies return to him, making him both nauseous and intoxicated by the power all at once. He didn't want this. But he was doing this for them. He was doing this for _her._

Barbas staggered to his feet, holding out a hand to summon an energy ball, dismay crossing his face when one did not appear. He stared at his empty hand, turning it over as if he expected the energy ball to be on the other side. Cole casually held up one hand and summoned his own energy ball, his mastery over his powers returning instantly. "Looking for this?" he said. He threw the energy ball and struck the demon in the chest. Barbas screamed as blue light sizzled on his chest, spreading down his legs and up his arms and neck, then exploded in an orange fireball, leaving nothing behind, not even a scorch mark on the carpet. Destroying Barbas felt good -- but also left him hollow at the cost.

Cole turned his gaze to Phoebe, but she backed away from him and went to Paige and hugged her sister. Paige gave Cole a sympathetic look, though Piper remained impassive. Cole closed his eyes. He would find no help here. He shimmered out of the attic.

* * *

Paige drew away from Phoebe after Cole disappeared. "I'll be right back," she said.

"Where are you going?" Phoebe asked.

Paige bit her lip, then admitted, "I'm going to talk to Cole. I think he really needs somebody right now."

"What?" Piper exclaimed, moving closer to Paige. "Are you out of your mind? The last time you went to talk to him you ended up unleashing the demon of fear!"

Unable to hold back any longer, Paige snapped, "God, Piper, you act like I did it on purpose! Neither of us knew what would happen, and you would've stripped his powers yourself if you had the chance. And I hope you can realize that now that Barbas isn't whispering in your ear to make you so afraid."

Piper opened her mouth, then closed it again. She sighed and exchanged a look with Leo. "I guess you're right," she said. "I'm sorry, Paige. We were acting out of fear when we were so mad at you."

"Paige, please," Phoebe said, putting her hand on Paige's arm. "I just almost lost you, I don't want to lose you again."

"He won't hurt me," Paige said.

"How can you be so sure?" Phoebe protested. Her grip on Paige's arm tightened.

"Just because I don't have a job doesn't mean I still don't have a social worker's instincts," Paige said, putting her hand over Phoebe's and giving it a comforting squeeze. "He's in pain. He just made a big sacrifice for us. We can't turn our backs on him."

"He tried to kill us, Paige," Piper reminded her, crossing her arms. "And you were the first one who realized he was evil and wanted to vanquish him."

"Are you so sure he and the Source are the same person?" Paige said. "Think about it. All of a sudden he was the Source. It doesn't make sense. Maybe we moved too fast."

"You did what you had to do, Paige," Leo said.

"But we didn't even look for another way," Paige said. "Okay, maybe we didn't have time to think of something else, but we didn't even try."

"Why are you defending him?" Phoebe said angrily. She stepped away from Paige, looking at her like she was a traitor.

"Why aren't _you_?" Paige said pointedly. 

Phoebe stiffened. "I don't have to explain myself to you," she snapped. "He's evil and I don't want anything to do with him. And neither should you." She turned and stormed from the attic.

Paige sighed and looked at Piper. "Paige," Piper said. "He's dangerous. And Phoebe doesn't want him around. Don't try to force it."

"He came to us for help and we let our fears push him away," Paige said. "Cole saved our lives how many times? He took on the Source for _you_ , Piper. If he hadn't disrupted the Source, you would've cast the spell to get rid of our powers, and we'd all be dead now."

"That was before. . . ." Piper began.

"Before he changed. And I want to know why," Paige said. She orbed out of the attic before Piper could try to stop her.

* * *

Paige orbed into Cole's dark penthouse, looking around, hoping like hell he didn't jump out of the darkness and try to strangle her again. "Cole?" she called. He didn't answer, but she could see him sitting in a chair in the living room, a glass in his hand. "Cole," she said again, moving towards him. "We need to talk."

"Go 'way, Paige," Cole said, his voice slurred; she could smell the whiskey on his breath from several feet away.

"I want to help you," she said. She had dealt with drunks before, and demons as well, but never a drunk demon. Not a combination she was relishing.

"I don't need any more of your 'help,' Paige," Cole growled. "I'm tired of your 'help.' What have you done for me so far? Oh, right, vanquished me, then told me that bodies, blood and pain follow me wherever I go. How did you put it? 'Go to Tibet, join a monastery, pray for absolution, but don't put your guilt on us.' Phoebe doesn't love me, I should just disappear forever. And then when I try to do just that, you tell me Phoebe still loves me and make me _feel_ it, or what that just a trick, too? And when I come to you and your sisters for help so I don't hurt anyone, and you turn your backs on me. Then you show up here and offer to help me by giving my powers to Barbas. Thanks, but I don't need that kind of help." He took another swig of his drink and glared balefully at Paige.

"Hey," Paige said, stung. "My sisters gave me enough crap about that, I don't need to hear it from you, too."

"Sorry," Cole said bitterly. "I just lost my one chance to prove to Phoebe that I'm not evil. You'll excuse me if I'm just a little less than pleasant."

"Why did you become the Source of All Evil then?" Paige said, getting right to the point of her visit. Whatever the outcome, she had to know.

Cole gave Paige an incredulous look. "Do you think I did it on purpose?" he said. "Do you think I wanted it? I fought like hell but I wasn't strong enough. The Seer tricked me. When I used the Hollow to take the Source's powers and save your lives, I _became_ the Source. Or the Source became me. I could influence it -- that's why it still wanted Phoebe, and why it didn't kill you when you were a vampire -- but I couldn't control it. It was a relief when you vanquished me."

"We didn't know," Paige said quietly.

"You didn't ask," Cole said sourly, finishing his drink before he tossed the glass across the room, shattering it against the wall.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Paige said. The glass throwing did not faze her. She had become accustomed to a lot worse during home visits to troubled families when she still worked for social services.

"When did I have the chance?" Cole said. "There wasn't much room between you and your sisters telling me how evil I was. You were too busy judging me."

"Dude, you tried to kill us," Paige said.

Cole dropped his head, rubbing his temples. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"So what are you going to do now?" Paige asked.

He shrugged. "Leave. Go somewhere far away. I can't be near her anymore. It's too damn painful. She'll tell me she loves me, then she'll push me away in the same breath and blame me for anything that's going wrong."

"I'm sorry," Paige said.

"Just wasn't meant to be," Cole murmured.

Paige frowned. This whole situation was not right, and she could not just let it go. Whitelighters did more than simply heal the body, Leo had told her. They mended anything they could that was broken. Cole was broken. Phoebe was broken. She had to at least try to fix them. "Just don't go anywhere," she told Cole. "And don't do anything stupid, okay?" She orbed out of the penthouse.

* * *

This was quite possibly a bad plan. Paige took a breath, steeled herself, and knocked on Phoebe's bedroom door. She had at least given Phoebe the previous night to recover from Barbas's attack, but what she had to tell her sister would not wait another day.

"Come in," Phoebe called. Her voice sounded tired and resigned, like she had been expecting this visit -- and was not looking forward to it.

Paige opened the door and stepped into Phoebe's room. Phoebe was sitting cross-legged on her bed, her laptop in front of her. "Hi," Paige said. "Can we talk?"

Phoebe gave her a look. "Depends," she said. "If it's about Cole, no."

"Phoebe." Paige sat on the edge of the bed. She thought she had this figured out now, but she was afraid of alienating her sister by pushing her. Still, she had to trust her instincts -- both as a social worker and as a Whitelighter. "You know when Barbas tricked you into killing me? I wasn't dead, or Leo wouldn't have been able to heal me. And I could kind of hear you, you and Piper."

"What do you mean?" Phoebe said, focusing her eyes on her keyboard.

"You were afraid you were evil," Paige said.

"Well, I thought I had killed you," Phoebe said.

"And we both know you're not evil," Paige said. "You're one of the warmest and kindest people I know. I think that you're pushing Cole away not because you're afraid _he's_ evil, but because you're afraid _you're_ evil."

A tear slid down Phoebe's cheek. "I became the Source's queen, Paige," she said. "I turned against you and Piper."

Paige moved closer, sliding an arm around Phoebe's shoulders. "You were being manipulated by the Source and the Seer," she said. "And when it came down to it, you made the right choice."

"But what if I hadn't?" Phoebe said. "What if I let him kill you and Piper and Leo? Evil felt so good, Paige. The Woogie made me evil, and then Dantalian did, and-and then the Source. In a past life I was evil. In the future I used my powers to kill someone. There's something dark and evil inside me and I can't control it!"

"It's okay to be scared, honey," Paige said, hugging her sister tightly. "It's okay. But you aren't the same as the Phoebe in the past, and the future you saw, that's not going to happen. The other things were beyond your control. Hey, I became a vampire and tried to bite my sisters, that doesn't make me evil, right?"

"No," Phoebe sniffled. "But that wasn't the same."

"You and Cole have a lot in common," Paige murmured, patting her back. "Maybe that's why you were so good together."

"You never thought that!" Phoebe retorted, wiping her hand across her eyes.

"Okay, so the demon part of him threw me," Paige said. "But I know he loves you, and he wants to be good. And he struggles with the darkness inside him, too."

"All the more reason he needs to stay far far away," Phoebe whispered. "That much darkness together. . . ."

"Or maybe you give each other strength," Paige said. She brushed some stray hairs from Phoebe's face. "I know you made him strong. Didn't you feel stronger when you were with him?"

Phoebe shook her head. "It doesn't matter. It's too dangerous."

"And feeling like that is eating you up," Paige said. "I think you need to talk to him, sweetie. I'm not saying you have to get back together with him. But if you don't give this some sort of closure, it's just going to fester inside you and turn into something ugly."

"I don't think I can," Phoebe whispered.

"You can," Paige encouraged her. "He's hurting, too, Phoebe. And I think if you just talk to Cole, talk, not yell and accuse, you'll feel better, and so will he. I promise."

* * *

The doorman at Cole's penthouse let her in without any question; obviously he was unaware of the divorce proceedings. She took the elevator up to the top floor, hands tight on the railings, her heart pounding. This was insane. She shouldn't be here. She should just hit the button for the first floor and get as far from the building as she possibly could. But her conversation with Paige had seemed to spur her body to move of its own accord, refusing to obey her frantic pleas to stop.

The elevator doors opened to a silent penthouse. The memories that came as she looked around the familiar rooms filled her with nausea. The Source, taking her hand and bringing her to the Underworld. The Seer, giving her that horrible potion to drink. Making demons cower before her and reveling in the power. And killing Cole.

The place was a mess -- empty bottles of whiskey and discarded cartons of Chinese takeout littered the living room. "Cole?" she called quietly.

He stepped out of the bedroom, regarding her quietly for a long moment. "Whatever it is," he said wearily, "I didn't do it. And I'll be gone by the end of the day. You won't see me again, I promise."

Phoebe swallowed, gathering her nerve. "I'm sorry," she said.

He cocked his head and gave her a curious look. "For what?"

"I've been . . . I've been cruel to you," Phoebe said. "You came back and saved my life and I pushed you away and told you you were evil."

"I don't blame you," Cole said slowly. She wondered if he thought this was some kind of trick. "The Source did terrible things to you and your sisters."

"The Source did," Phoebe said, tentatively stepping closer. "Not you. You tried to fight it. You tried to find a way to give up the power. And I . . . I stopped you."

"You were being manipulated, Phoebe," Cole said. "It's not your fault."

Phoebe shook her head, tears beginning to fall. "It is," she said. "I'm evil. I try to fight it but things keep going wrong. And I'm so afraid that being with you makes me want the darkness all the more."

Cole reached out, putting his hand under her chin and gently tilting her head up so she looked at him. "You're not evil, Phoebe," he said. "I know evil. I've been evil. You're just scared."

"You don't understand," Phoebe said. "The Manor -- it's a spiritual nexus. And a Wiccan one, too. It's a battleground between good and evil, and since I was born in the Manor, I'm connected to it and I can feel the pull of evil and it feels so good and easy and. . . ."

"It is easy," Cole agreed. "But you're strong, sweetheart. You're a good witch. You've proven that time and time again."

"I loved you so much I followed you into darkness!" Phoebe cried, turning her head away, unable to meet his gaze. "My sister loves an angel and I love a demon!"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cole flinch, just a little. "I'm also a man," he said. "And your love and goodness made that part of me strong."

"Not strong enough," Phoebe wept bitterly, dropping her head to her hands. "Me or you."

"You were strong enough to do what had to be done and vanquish the Source, even when he was wearing my face," Cole said. She didn't resist when he slipped his arms around her and drew her close. She had been aching for his embrace ever since the night he died. "And my love for you was strong enough that I came back to you," he continued.

"I'm afraid," Phoebe whispered against his chest. "I don't want to be evil. And I don't want to lose you."

"We want the same thing, love," Cole said, kissing the top of her head. "You don't have to be afraid. It may be hard at times, but we can get through it. Together."

"Promise?" Phoebe sniffled.

"Promise," Cole repeated. "With all my heart and soul."

Phoebe slipped her arms around him, lifting her head, her lips trembling. He bent his head and kissed her, gently at first, but she slid her hands up to his neck and pulled him down, deepening the kiss. "I love you," she said when she finally broke the kiss. "I always will. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," he said, touching his finger to her lips. "It's all behind us now. We can make a new start."

Phoebe looked around the penthouse, where too many memories of the Source and the anguish she felt vanquishing him still lingered. "Not here?" she said. "Please?"

"Wherever you want," he said. 

She could feel the tension leaving his body and knew she would struggle with her guilt at what she had put him through for awhile yet, much as he struggled with his own over what the Source had done. Paige was right, they were so alike. "The Manor," Phoebe said. "For now, at least. It's still your home, too."

"What about your sisters?" Cole murmured, playing with her hair.

"Piper may freak out a little because of the baby," Phoebe said. "But I think she'll be okay. And Paige -- she was the one who sent me here to you. She knew what I was really afraid of."

"Clever girl," Cole said. "Like she knew what Piper was angry at after Prue died. She'll be a good Whitelighter someday."

"And she knew I would regret pushing you away for the rest of my life," Phoebe said. She squeezed her arms around Cole more tightly. "I'm never letting you go, not ever again."

* * *

That night, Cole lay in Phoebe's bed at the Manor, his arm draped over her body as he watched her sleep. In the past few hours he had watched so much tension and anxiety drain from her face that she looked softer now, more like the woman he had fallen in love with two years ago. She had let go of her fears, both her own and the ones Barbas had enhanced.

His own fears were not so easily dismissed. He wished he had Phoebe's faith in himself, but he could never drop his guard against his demonic side. Phoebe's love made him strong enough to face that fight, and the promise of her touch made him more than willing to deal with the struggle. He did not need to be human to be at peace; he had all he needed right here in his arms.


End file.
